If you can follow the logic of the apple seed epiphany. You are either a close friend or a kindred spirit—and I commend you. Even my wife thinks this little philosophical concept is, shall we say, “unusually off.”
It is a well-known fact among my friends that I’m a vegetarian. I try to lean toward the vegan side of things, but I usually don’t quite make it. When you’re a vegetarian with vegan aspirations, you face many gray areas. Dairy, for instance. Milk can be substituted with soy, oat or almonds and there are decent vegan cheeses. But it is remarkably hard to replicate an egg.
The other day, I was mowing the lawn and got hungry. I grabbed an apple and ate it while driving the mower. I took a big bite and swallowed a large chunk—seeds and all. That’s when the apple seed epiphany struck: I just ate apple babies.
“Oh god, how could I?” I thought. But then: “Wait, apple babies… actually, that seems okay.” It’s just a seed. In fact, some seeds can’t even propagate until they’ve passed through an animal’s digestive tract. I just ate a seed. And you know, I like eggs. Eggs are essentially “chicken seeds,” aren’t they?
People have debated whether the chicken or the egg came first for as long as we’ve known how to debate. Usually to no avail. The answer, though, is quite simple if you rely on evolutionary biology. A chicken is a chicken because of its DNA. This DNA is locked in the moment an egg is fertilized. Somewhere back in time, two birds that were almost chickens mated and produced an egg with a tiny genetic mutation. That egg contained the very first actual chicken. So, the egg had to come first; it was the vessel for the evolution that allowed the species to propagate.
There I was, mowing the grass and having a diet-changing epiphany about the nature of the universe. I’ve never believed a person should starve to death based on ethics. I know there are Jain monks who avoid putting a shovel in the ground for fear killing a worm. I won’t go that far. Something about self-preservation kicks in. I do believe in ethical eating though and that food should be harvested in ways that aren’t cruel.
There is scientific evidence to back this up. If an animal dies while terrified, stress hormone levels spike. These are later ingested by us, which isn’t exactly “food” for our bodies and can lead to health issues. So, I figured, I use eggs when I bake because there is no substitute for the taste. If the eggs are free-range and hormone-free—the way nature intended—I’ll have them.
My thinking is that the apple tree creates a biological surplus. It puts itself out there to be eaten by looking shiny and red. Being sweet and delicious certainly doesn’t hurt. We eat it and drop the seeds elsewhere with a nice pile of fertilizer to help the species spread. The tree produces far more seeds than it will ever grow into trees. It’s a system of intentional overabundance.
A chicken does the same. Without a rooster, that egg is simply a nutrient-dense biological surplus that was never destined to be a bird. It is a gift of the natural cycle. If we don’t eat it, it simply breaks down and disappears. So, it comes down to “waste not, want not.” The eggs are there, in constant supply, provided ethically by nature—why not use them?
Some of you probably think, “Couldn’t you just have eaten the egg anyway? You’re just a vegetarian.” Well, sure. But this complicated, abstract thought process needed to get out of my head. Otherwise, what would I have to share with you?
